The Fine Line Between

 This is a poem I wrote, which isn't dedicated to anyone, but it was inspired by a heart-to-heart talk with someone, who felt this way about someone, though not me. Enjoy. :)

Such a fate seems a blessing, yet almost a curse

That every time I see you

The hate that I desire to keep

Somehow morphs into inexpressible desire

I hate you. I cannot deny it. But when

Did hate walk so thin a line

Between abhorrence and sheer ecstasy?

Alas I cannot deign to know

What changed my thought towards you.

I would to call it fate, perhaps. A god?

Some god to curse my mind with what threatens to overflow it!

Some thought perhaps that pushed me over that line

I didn’t know was so slim dividing odium and worship?

Or maybe just coming to realize, that

Not all is as it seems. Cliché though the phrase may be,

It seems to strike a heart-string. Maybe I didn’t know

Enough of who you are? A wordless plea to nameless

Gods has been denied. Wordless I say, though to give it words would

Be to ask ‘Why?’

Why am I doomed to love the man I deem my enemy?

Why am I destined to retain some fantastical thought of love?

And towards the one I rather would despise than

Have to damn my heart to him. Ah!

What have the heavens against me? What have the skies

Foretold? My destiny intertwined with his? Or

Am I ruined to walk a different path? My heart

Has gone in two, no six, no eight! Different places

And I cannot choose which piece to follow. The piece

That follows my hateful thought to you? Or the piece

That loves you? Perhaps the piece

With a little bit of both? Perchance I follow the piece

Calling to just leave and never come back. Or the piece

Telling me to just abandon thought altogether. Or the piece

Telling me I could just think all day, trapped in my poet’s mind. Mayhap the piece

To follow would be the one saying ‘Wait, just wait. Let fate decide.’ Conceivably the piece

Comes next would be all previous put together. It is the last, and so it says:

Hate, yet love him. They both walk a thin line. Leave yet stay, distance yourself, yet stay

As close as you can. Think and think, write down your damnable thoughts trapped

Inside your mind. No, don’t. Just wait and let the thrice-damned gods

Do what they will. Ah! Mystification! Thou seems

To be my cousin, no! my sister! No! my brother! No!

My mother, father, sire! Captor of my mind, why can’t you

Simply let me go?

Oh please! Just release me! I beg of you to permit me to escape

The insanity that is my mind. Alas it appears I am trapped.

So I will ponder my fate, and beg that you

Would accept what olive branch I can give. Since I am

Doomed to love you, at least would you forgive what I cannot help,

And grant what I cannot ask.